Hope and Dispair/Depression and Faith

I suffer from great episodes of depression. I often dispair, lose hope and my faith is almost gone. When it comes upon me I start praying fwevwntly. I keep reading my Bible and other religious and spiritual literature even if I do not understand it. As John Newton author of the song "Amazing Grace" said in his last years as Dementia erased his memories, "I remember two things,"I am a great sinner and Jesus is a great Savior." Well said John, so am I. I often can hardly get out of bed very long. I don't work, I eat poorly and seldom exercise. I am tortured often with grief over losses. I have terrible nightmares often, PTSD symptoms of war and violence from my earlier military career. Sometimes I wish I had never been born (Like some of the old testament Prophets). But, I fear God's wrath when such suicidal evil thoughts enter my sick mind. I decided long ago that since I did not create myself and God brought me into this world, that He has the only right to take me out of it and into Heaven. So, no matter how miserable I am, my hope is in God. The other day while on my sickbed suffering and praying, I thought I heard a soft voice inside me saying,"Get up, Eat and Write." So, I did and this here now is what I am writing. I hope and pray these are God's Words and Not from MY crazy mind! I really do not feel like writing. I'm not even thinking well now. The keys on my computer are just moving in my hand. I'm done for now. No more words. I just want to finish this posting with one promise of God's. from His Word, it is in Romans Chapter 8: Verses 15-39. I believe it true and hope you do too.