A Soldier's Story from a Client

This story was passed to me from one of my clients with permission. I think it is marvelous! His story is as follows: "I am an alcoholic and have grave mental, emotional and physical issues. However, I have found a way to live well in spite of all these maladies. I first came to AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) in 1984 when I realized that alcohol was causing my failures and terrible troubles my whole life ever since I was an adolescent when I began drinking to try and fit in with society. At first, it seemed to work well for me, but after many years it led me to the point of considering suicide. Then I came to AA and after many years had what I thought was a normal and successful life; until I had a complete mental breakdown after over 12 years sober! At that me, I was an active duty military Non‐Commissioned Officer rapidly moving up in rank and responsibilities as a leader and also as a veteran soldier of several wars. Suddenly, and sober, all came falling down unexpectedly! I was taken to the psychiatric ward three times within two years! A total "Basket Case". And it was in hospital that I learned that I also was suffering from mental disorders caused by combat in wars. The doctors told me it was "PTSD" (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and also, "Major Chronic Depression" along with "Degenerative Disk Disease" (from military injury) and several other mental and emotional disorders, all combined! For three years I was so ill that I often wished I could just die. I was Honorably Discharged from the military, lost my home, lost my wife and son to divorce and lost all my money (except my military pension). Most times I lay in bed or on the couch or chair and just could not believe that my God would let this all happen. I wanted to die. I just could not even see "my part" in causing this. After three years of again drinking and getting sicker and alone, I desperately prayed out to my God and soon thereafter, I finally returned to AA, got a sponsor and again worked the 12 Step Program as best I could. Things again began to get worse (cleaning up all the legal and financial wreckage), but after a few months I was digging out of that hole. I still had many mental, emotional and physical problems that often regularly tortured me, but I inwardly knew that I was on the right track again with life. And, so it proved to be as the many years have passed since. Oh yes, I had a few short "binges" even after, but my God always helped me get sober me and again and keep "trudging the road to happy destiny" as the AA Big Book of AA says. Now, I am still sober, am a 100% Disabled Veteran and can't work and still suffer from bouts of mental health issues. Yet, my God has not only led me onward to seek help from medical professionals, but also has given me a new wife, new house we own, and income and benefits equal to a military retired General in rank! Another series of Miracles! Which to my way of thinking proves that God not only exists, but as an AA passage I read long ago says, "God will do for you what you can't do for yourself." and now I get it! Today I TRY to stay as close to my God as possible and TRY to listen for the "intuition, hunch or decision" from my God and also TRY to do the right thing for the right reason and TRY to help others as best as I can, whenever I can despite my ongoing sufferings daily with my mental health issues. And no, I am not always successful in this because also I am a "recovering perfectionist and control freak" and have a hard me being patient and tolerant or even sometimes trusting my God or others. However, my God keeps loving me slowly and gently anyway in His loving way and in His timing, not mine. Believing this, I can and do have HOPE for today and even my future as long as I remain sober and seek my God's will and not my own constantly. I hope and pray that anyone suffering like me will come to believe that in spite of your mental health issues, you too can, if you choose, have a beer life and learn how to accept suffering as a good thing even if you remain ill with these issues. I know that I have! I have since been trying my best to follow my early Christian upbringing and put it into ACTION for Jesus. I have no idea what I am doing! But, God does! It all seems to be related to trying to learn and do the right thing for the right reason, and the right reason is always about Love of God and others. I’m still a mess in many ways, but I Believe that Christ is with me anyway. That takes the guilt and shame away and allows me to just be Human, faulty and effective. The secret is to Pray and then Act and let the “Chips fall where they may.” God is Big enough to Control All. Thank God! And thanks AA!"